My Purpose
One thing I have battled especially through my adult years for some reason is "When God said, 'and let there be Heidi' What did he have in mind? What did he create me for?" I know primarily to love Him and to love others, but is there anything I'm missing? Like was I supposed to be a concert pianist, but because I was such a slacker at practicing I botched up that purpose. At different times in my life I thought I knew, because when I was passionate about volleyball (even though I was just an average player) I thought my purpose was volleyball (so my mom was right, I guess, when she said I won't be playing for the rest of my life. haha). But I'm beginning to see that at different stages of life I have a different purpose. Sometimes it's even just in a moment I have a specific purpose for just that moment and no other moment but that one.
For the longest time I've struggled with wondering what the heck am I good at. If I knew then I would just go gangbusters at it, but I'm not outstanding at anything. I'm not saying that to get a response. I know I'm average at so many things. I wasn't an incredibly smart student, but I worked hard and got decent grades. I didn't make cheerleading (yes, I wanted to be a cheerleader), but I remember seriously being totally ok with that, so I thought, "ah, what the heck, I'll try basketball", and the same thing happened the next year in a different season, so I thought, "huh, volleyball looks fun, I'll try that." So I played both through high school. I was terrible at first, but I worked so hard, I had amazingly patient and gracious coaches that agreed to stay after practices with me to help me with my serve, or my ball handling. I never became awesome, but I was average, and I was seriously okay with that. I just had fun.
Even in music... I had some cool opportunities in high school and college being part of music groups, and then leading worship with my husband, getting to have these very talented musicians surrounding me. I was never great, but love worshipping God in singing, so I did it. I'm average at it.
There are always a ton of people around me that are way better at (fill in the blank) than I am, and so I've just struggled wanting to know why God wasn't showing me what amazing and incredible gift he has bestowed upon ME.
And then I had this epiphone. Jesus. From what we know he was a carpenter not necessarily this super successful carpenter... just a carpenter. We don't hear of him being incredibly beautiful to look at, we don't read that he had a singing voice that could make a grown man cry, don't think he even took piano lessons let alone played an instrument and joined a band. He wasn't the MVP of any team. But he was an incredible lover of God and of people.
If my life was all about an amazing talent like singing then what would I do if I lost my voice? Or if I was this olympic volleyball player then what would happen if I tore up my shoulder and could no longer play (ok, quit laughing. I know at 38 that dream is dead at this point)? What if I was an artist that couldn't keep up with the demand for my beautiful works of art (lol, not even in the ballpark of my clumsy artsiness), but then my eyes went bad or I lost the use of my hands? I know it's all kind of morbid, but what if I lost my voice, my hands, my sight or anything? No accident or illness could ever steel my ability to love people and to love God. That's what I'm created for, and if a talent were to find it's way into my brain great, but rather than focusing on ME and what I can do to make ME stand out I will focus on God and others to make GOD stand out.
For the longest time I've struggled with wondering what the heck am I good at. If I knew then I would just go gangbusters at it, but I'm not outstanding at anything. I'm not saying that to get a response. I know I'm average at so many things. I wasn't an incredibly smart student, but I worked hard and got decent grades. I didn't make cheerleading (yes, I wanted to be a cheerleader), but I remember seriously being totally ok with that, so I thought, "ah, what the heck, I'll try basketball", and the same thing happened the next year in a different season, so I thought, "huh, volleyball looks fun, I'll try that." So I played both through high school. I was terrible at first, but I worked so hard, I had amazingly patient and gracious coaches that agreed to stay after practices with me to help me with my serve, or my ball handling. I never became awesome, but I was average, and I was seriously okay with that. I just had fun.
Even in music... I had some cool opportunities in high school and college being part of music groups, and then leading worship with my husband, getting to have these very talented musicians surrounding me. I was never great, but love worshipping God in singing, so I did it. I'm average at it.
There are always a ton of people around me that are way better at (fill in the blank) than I am, and so I've just struggled wanting to know why God wasn't showing me what amazing and incredible gift he has bestowed upon ME.
And then I had this epiphone. Jesus. From what we know he was a carpenter not necessarily this super successful carpenter... just a carpenter. We don't hear of him being incredibly beautiful to look at, we don't read that he had a singing voice that could make a grown man cry, don't think he even took piano lessons let alone played an instrument and joined a band. He wasn't the MVP of any team. But he was an incredible lover of God and of people.
If my life was all about an amazing talent like singing then what would I do if I lost my voice? Or if I was this olympic volleyball player then what would happen if I tore up my shoulder and could no longer play (ok, quit laughing. I know at 38 that dream is dead at this point)? What if I was an artist that couldn't keep up with the demand for my beautiful works of art (lol, not even in the ballpark of my clumsy artsiness), but then my eyes went bad or I lost the use of my hands? I know it's all kind of morbid, but what if I lost my voice, my hands, my sight or anything? No accident or illness could ever steel my ability to love people and to love God. That's what I'm created for, and if a talent were to find it's way into my brain great, but rather than focusing on ME and what I can do to make ME stand out I will focus on God and others to make GOD stand out.
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