Worth Fighting For

This is a little bit scary for me to step out into these waters because I don't claim to know all there is to know on race.  I don't know what it's like to be black.  I have a lot to learn, but this I know--Give me all the context and more facts--IT'S STILL WRONG! How in God's name can anyone see any different?

A simple post saying I'm sickened isn't changing anything. Clicking love, like or teary eyed emoji has become somewhat cowardly for me.  It's me hiding behind someone else's thoughts, saying, "Yeah, what he said".  It's so much easier to be all bark and no bite.

Staying silent when my sons are black is me not guarding and protecting them. So hear my screechy voice.  We live in Lowell.  It's a mostly white town of great people.  But the more I see of stories like Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd I get worried.  I hate that I haven't felt as deeply about these kinds of stories until I had black sons.  I can't shake it.  I'm scared for Caleb and Josh.

I'm so angry too.  My heart is heavy.  I fought tears tonight as my boys so innocently ran in and out of the house with their fake weapons. They are boys and nerf wars are fun, wooden knives and spears are fun.  They should be allowed to do that.

They both wear hoodie sweatshirts and always want their hood up, and I'm always pulling their hood down.  I've read.  I've listened to panels of black men talk about what we need to teach our black boys to keep them safe.  Jason and I have drilled black men that we know with questions.  Teach me.  Show me where I'm wrong or ignorant.  But I hate that this is a thing.  We should not have to be asking black men these kinds of questions.  We have to, though, because racism is everywhere, and people are in denial about it.  They don't think they are racist because they don't hate black people. But it's bias.  It's prejudices.  It's assumptions.  It's so much deeper and not even on purpose.  It can even be subconscious. It's racism. 

Tay and my brother in law took the boys to Meijer just a couple of days ago to get a cable for the PS4.  Josh had the cable in his hand after Tim bought it, and the alarm went off as he was walking out the door.  Joshua took off, and ran out the door!  We asked him why he ran.  He said because the loud noise scared him.  What if Josh was 13?  My heart is racing.  Most kids at the age of thirteen would know better.  But Josh has some serious special needs.  He looks totally normal, but his brain has scar tissue all over it.  His communication is slow.  He often can't pull his words together.  If people don't know him he could be misunderstood--under the influence? High? What's going on?  If someone is being mean to him he gets confused.  God protect him!

Caleb is huge.  He turned 8 in February and wears a size 12.  His doctor said he will probably be about 6'5".  The kid still asks me, yes, me to carry his 86 pound body to bed.  It's hilarious! He is such a lover.  On the way to his first basketball practice he said, "I'm so excited!", and Jason asked him what he was so excited about.  He said to make new friends.  He cannot have enough friends.  He asked me one time why his friends don't always hug back because he loves hugs.  But when he grows up...put him in the wrong place at the wrong time...

We have a friend.  This guy is so gentle, full of joy and kindness.  He's black.  He was wrongfully accused.  His word against the accusers.  No evidence.  His attorney told him that because he was a black man he should plead guilty because the jury would most likely find him guilty anyway--because he is black.  So he did.  So he now has a record.  I hope my past sins don't decide that I must be guilty for any future suspicions. Just because a person has a record does not mean that record is even just.  It also doesn't mean that they must be guilty of something else. Ahmaud had a record.  That doesn't make him guilty of anything, and it most certainly should not have cost him his life.

I was at the YMCA, and the men on the treadmills next to me were commenting on Coco Gauff, a beautiful, young and hugely successful black female tennis player. She was being featured on ESPN, and they were watching.  The one ignorantly said to the other, "I didn't think they played tennis in the ghetto."  He was dead serious.  I knew if I spoke it'd get messy so all I said was "Wow!", and I got off the treadmill. 

There is racism in Lowell.

Other friends in our community needed their black son to come pick them up, but he got lost.  He stopped at a house to ask for directions, and that man said, "Your kind don't belong in these parts." Oh, Oh, Oh! That man! If he knew what parts this boy had come from and what he has overcome... More than he as a white privileged man could possibly imagine.  Shame on you, sir!

Will you do Something for Joshua and Caleb, and all the other black children and adults in our community and really in our world?  Will you ask God to show you where you may have a prejudice?  I'm asking him too.  What am I blind to?  Expose us, God.  Cause us to see how you see and love how you love. Imagine that Ahmaud was your son.  Imagine that George Floyd was your brother.  It is a race issue.  It is wrong.  It is not Jesus. And ask God to show us how and where we can continue to bust apart lies and walls and barriers.  Bring unity.  I am so so sorry to my black friends and to the black community for looking away, for not letting this wreck me sooner, for assuming anything but the best, for staying silent.  

LOVE! 1 Corinthians 13:5-7 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense.  Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong.  Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hearfrom heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.