"I love Technology, but not as much as you you see"
"I love technology, but not as much as you you see, but I still love technology. Always and forever." Remember Kip singing that to his lovely Lafonda on their wedding day (Napolean Dynamite")?
I love it too. I love the conveniences. I love that I can find what I'm looking for in a split second, find directions, ask whatever random useless question, reconnect with old friends, share pictures and videos of our kids with family. I find recipes, decorating ideas, fun artsy stuff to do with my girls, lots of ideas for lots of things (thank you pinterest).
I'm what you might call a technically challenged individual. I don't know a lot about the techy world. I use it to pay bills, to look up hot lunch menu on the school website (yes, I make my girls do that twice a week. But I totally excuse them on the fish nuggets day--sick!), pinterest, facebook, instagram, blog, email and that's mostly it. The girls use it for school work some too.
But I hate it. I do waste time on it sometimes, but today what I hate most is what it's doing to my girls. As soon as they got their itouches we noticed a tendency to gravitate to that instead of interacting with each other, so we quickly created boundaries:
1. No more than 30 minutes total a day (sounds like a lot to some and not enough to others)
2. Post no more than 3 pictures a day (when you love to take pictures you want to share them all, but not everyone wants to see them all...They have found their way around this one with the collage thing, and I'm ok with that. At least they are thinking creatively)
3. NO SELFIES (Ugh! I hate that. I don't get it. They can take a picture with a friend and I've somehow made that ok in my mind, but the selfie with a caption of a verse or cheesy quote that has nothing to do with the picture is just, well, self promotion. Itouch, Iphone...Ironic? I did a short search, and couldn't even find what the "I" stands for, but as far as I'm concerned I think it embodies "ME, ME, ME")
4. No googling unless they ask. Why? So we can save them from accidentally coming upon some image that could be seared into their minds forever.
5. No youtube watching or video watching without asking (controlling? maybe, but for example, the Miley Cyrus "Wrecking Ball" video... I haven't seen it, but have heard about it on the news after the GVSU student made their own version. I don't have to see, because I know enough about it that I see nothing good coming of them filling their minds with that. And even if it's a harmless video they are looking to watch (just like google) if the right word is entered in the search box a lot more than the innocent video they want to see could pop up).
6. No itouch in the morning until ready to walk out the door.
7. It's ok to enjoy looking through your pictures with your friends or play games, etc. with a friend, but to be on it by yourself when you are with friends is not allowed. (RUDE people. It's just down right rude to be hanging on phones, itouch, etc. when you are in a mix of friends. It communicates that you have little ability to socialize on a person to person, face to face level. Whether it is meant to send a message or not it easily is interpreted as "you bore me", "I'm talking about you to someone", "I'd rather stare at this than interact with you").
8. Think before you post always using the filter of Ephesians 4:29 "...let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."
9. All privacy settings are up on instagram and facebook.
10. We get to know their passwords.
11. We have to approve who they accept as facebook friends and who they allow to "follow" them on instagram. We unashamedly have said no to many, but said yes to many that may not make sense. We keep a close eye on the activity, but a couple of "naughty" kids have friend requested Kami recently, so she told me, but said she would "ignore". I told her I thought it'd be good to accept those kids, because it doesn't mean she has to see all their stuff if it gets inappropriate (gotta love the "show in news feed"/"do not show in news feed" feature). But if they choose to they can see all her posts, and what a great opportunity for her to show love and kindness and who Jesus is from a distance to kids she rarely has a chance to do so otherwise (one of the bonus sides to technology).
I know there are exceptions. The reason they have a phone is to be able to get in touch with us when needed. Some days I regret getting them phones at all, but we are choosing for now to keep them...if privileges are abused then the phone and itouch are taken away.
I do keep my phone out on the table when I'm with friends, so my kids (or their schools during the day) or husband can get in touch with me if they need to. They are more important to me than my friends. But my friends are way more important than my updates on facebook or the next email coming in.
I don't claim to be doing things just right. I'm just trying to do what I believe to be right. I can't tell you how many times we have set a boundary, and our girls have thanked us whether it's been movies or the list above even. Do they question or push back sometimes? Absolutely, but for now we are responsible for guarding their hearts, and just because "no one else has these rules" or "....'s parents let her be on it whenever she wants" doesn't mean we are going to do what's easiest and cave into that pressure. It's only fair and right for us to explain the why behind the what in the boundaries we set, and once we do they usually get it. They don't always love it, but they understand it.
Just a few scenarios:
One of my daughters in the last month had been to three parties in a span of a week where a good portion of the time all the friends were glued to their technology. She texted me at one party and asked me to come get her early. I said, "everything ok?". She said and I quote, "Everyone is on their phones or ipods and talking about how annoying a certain boy is. Bllaahhh boys shmoys! Now I probably look like one of those techy people who never talks to people bc I'm texting you... So I'll see you when I get home. Will you be me my new best friend? You're a good girl and have no boy drama (except once in a while with dad:))". Crack me up! But it is lonely.
Have you seen the commercial for the Nexus 7 tablet where a boy googles "glossophobia: the fear of public speaking", and he then googles one thing after another as he researches the info he needs for his speech. He then gives the speech, and a cute girl smiles at him with approval. Next scene: Google: how to ask a girl out. I just felt a kick in the gut at that scene when I saw that, because how sad that he isn't asking a parent or even a friend... a complete loss of face to face one on one relationships. Asking Google how to have a relationship seems to be such an oxymoron.
I just saw a trailer for the movie "Her". At first I chuckled thinking it was going to be a comedy. It's based on a lonely writer who basically falls for his computer's Siri-like operating system. They actually fall in love. A computer and a man...they fall in love. And it's not a comedy. This movie is a drama. As in not mocking this romance, but trying to draw the viewer in to feel with theses characters. What?!
I get the default of turning to my phone when waiting in a line instead of looking up to even smile at the person in front of me. So I find myself caught up in it too at times. But things like facebook and instagram can become such an unhealthy crutch to the insecure girl grasping to be noticed, constantly checking to see how many likes she got on that last selfie. Sadly, if it's not as many as one of her friends she easily interprets that as "I'm not enough", "If my friends all saw this, but only this many liked it. Then they must think...".
I know it is a totally uphill, swimming upstream battle, but if we have to do this alone then so be it. My hope is that there are other parents that will walk with us arms linked in this battle. The battle is not against technology. It's for relationship. Person to person relationship, and I do realize that at times technology does aid that, but I see it stealing away from it more than not. And the battle is also for my daughters hearts. I want them to base their identity on how God sees them not on how many "likes" they get, or how many facebook friends.
I love it too. I love the conveniences. I love that I can find what I'm looking for in a split second, find directions, ask whatever random useless question, reconnect with old friends, share pictures and videos of our kids with family. I find recipes, decorating ideas, fun artsy stuff to do with my girls, lots of ideas for lots of things (thank you pinterest).
I'm what you might call a technically challenged individual. I don't know a lot about the techy world. I use it to pay bills, to look up hot lunch menu on the school website (yes, I make my girls do that twice a week. But I totally excuse them on the fish nuggets day--sick!), pinterest, facebook, instagram, blog, email and that's mostly it. The girls use it for school work some too.
But I hate it. I do waste time on it sometimes, but today what I hate most is what it's doing to my girls. As soon as they got their itouches we noticed a tendency to gravitate to that instead of interacting with each other, so we quickly created boundaries:
1. No more than 30 minutes total a day (sounds like a lot to some and not enough to others)
2. Post no more than 3 pictures a day (when you love to take pictures you want to share them all, but not everyone wants to see them all...They have found their way around this one with the collage thing, and I'm ok with that. At least they are thinking creatively)
3. NO SELFIES (Ugh! I hate that. I don't get it. They can take a picture with a friend and I've somehow made that ok in my mind, but the selfie with a caption of a verse or cheesy quote that has nothing to do with the picture is just, well, self promotion. Itouch, Iphone...Ironic? I did a short search, and couldn't even find what the "I" stands for, but as far as I'm concerned I think it embodies "ME, ME, ME")
4. No googling unless they ask. Why? So we can save them from accidentally coming upon some image that could be seared into their minds forever.
5. No youtube watching or video watching without asking (controlling? maybe, but for example, the Miley Cyrus "Wrecking Ball" video... I haven't seen it, but have heard about it on the news after the GVSU student made their own version. I don't have to see, because I know enough about it that I see nothing good coming of them filling their minds with that. And even if it's a harmless video they are looking to watch (just like google) if the right word is entered in the search box a lot more than the innocent video they want to see could pop up).
6. No itouch in the morning until ready to walk out the door.
7. It's ok to enjoy looking through your pictures with your friends or play games, etc. with a friend, but to be on it by yourself when you are with friends is not allowed. (RUDE people. It's just down right rude to be hanging on phones, itouch, etc. when you are in a mix of friends. It communicates that you have little ability to socialize on a person to person, face to face level. Whether it is meant to send a message or not it easily is interpreted as "you bore me", "I'm talking about you to someone", "I'd rather stare at this than interact with you").
8. Think before you post always using the filter of Ephesians 4:29 "...let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."
9. All privacy settings are up on instagram and facebook.
10. We get to know their passwords.
11. We have to approve who they accept as facebook friends and who they allow to "follow" them on instagram. We unashamedly have said no to many, but said yes to many that may not make sense. We keep a close eye on the activity, but a couple of "naughty" kids have friend requested Kami recently, so she told me, but said she would "ignore". I told her I thought it'd be good to accept those kids, because it doesn't mean she has to see all their stuff if it gets inappropriate (gotta love the "show in news feed"/"do not show in news feed" feature). But if they choose to they can see all her posts, and what a great opportunity for her to show love and kindness and who Jesus is from a distance to kids she rarely has a chance to do so otherwise (one of the bonus sides to technology).
I know there are exceptions. The reason they have a phone is to be able to get in touch with us when needed. Some days I regret getting them phones at all, but we are choosing for now to keep them...if privileges are abused then the phone and itouch are taken away.
I do keep my phone out on the table when I'm with friends, so my kids (or their schools during the day) or husband can get in touch with me if they need to. They are more important to me than my friends. But my friends are way more important than my updates on facebook or the next email coming in.
I don't claim to be doing things just right. I'm just trying to do what I believe to be right. I can't tell you how many times we have set a boundary, and our girls have thanked us whether it's been movies or the list above even. Do they question or push back sometimes? Absolutely, but for now we are responsible for guarding their hearts, and just because "no one else has these rules" or "....'s parents let her be on it whenever she wants" doesn't mean we are going to do what's easiest and cave into that pressure. It's only fair and right for us to explain the why behind the what in the boundaries we set, and once we do they usually get it. They don't always love it, but they understand it.
Just a few scenarios:
One of my daughters in the last month had been to three parties in a span of a week where a good portion of the time all the friends were glued to their technology. She texted me at one party and asked me to come get her early. I said, "everything ok?". She said and I quote, "Everyone is on their phones or ipods and talking about how annoying a certain boy is. Bllaahhh boys shmoys! Now I probably look like one of those techy people who never talks to people bc I'm texting you... So I'll see you when I get home. Will you be me my new best friend? You're a good girl and have no boy drama (except once in a while with dad:))". Crack me up! But it is lonely.
Have you seen the commercial for the Nexus 7 tablet where a boy googles "glossophobia: the fear of public speaking", and he then googles one thing after another as he researches the info he needs for his speech. He then gives the speech, and a cute girl smiles at him with approval. Next scene: Google: how to ask a girl out. I just felt a kick in the gut at that scene when I saw that, because how sad that he isn't asking a parent or even a friend... a complete loss of face to face one on one relationships. Asking Google how to have a relationship seems to be such an oxymoron.
I just saw a trailer for the movie "Her". At first I chuckled thinking it was going to be a comedy. It's based on a lonely writer who basically falls for his computer's Siri-like operating system. They actually fall in love. A computer and a man...they fall in love. And it's not a comedy. This movie is a drama. As in not mocking this romance, but trying to draw the viewer in to feel with theses characters. What?!
I get the default of turning to my phone when waiting in a line instead of looking up to even smile at the person in front of me. So I find myself caught up in it too at times. But things like facebook and instagram can become such an unhealthy crutch to the insecure girl grasping to be noticed, constantly checking to see how many likes she got on that last selfie. Sadly, if it's not as many as one of her friends she easily interprets that as "I'm not enough", "If my friends all saw this, but only this many liked it. Then they must think...".
I know it is a totally uphill, swimming upstream battle, but if we have to do this alone then so be it. My hope is that there are other parents that will walk with us arms linked in this battle. The battle is not against technology. It's for relationship. Person to person relationship, and I do realize that at times technology does aid that, but I see it stealing away from it more than not. And the battle is also for my daughters hearts. I want them to base their identity on how God sees them not on how many "likes" they get, or how many facebook friends.
Thanks for sharing this! It was a good reminder of being mindful for our kids (and ourselves).
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! We have 5 girls (4 are teenagers) and have implemented many of the same rules. We have also been thanked for our loving care for them and for caring more about relationships than technology. You're right that they sometimes push back because their "friends all get to do it", but in the end, unlike their friends, they know how to carry on a face-to-face conversation with peers and adults. Stay strong in the Lord parents!
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