The Proverbs 31 Woman Unveiled...
In a moment of feeling like the worst wife and mom ever I decided it might be good to read Proverbs 31, so I did, because if one is referred to as "a Proverbs 31 woman" then she is pretty much the picture perfect mom and wife. For some reason even though I've read it countless times I always thought that meant her house is always clean and the laundry is always done. Her kids are always well-behaved, respectfully angelic and have every hair in place not to mention spotless clothes that match just perfectly...oh, and she sewed those adorable clothes too. Her husband tells everyone how lucky he is, afterall she never has grumpy days, always has incredible meals prepared straight from her beautiful garden that she takes care of with joy, and she looks amazing from head to toe. She spends time with God daily in his word and in prayer, because she gets up before everyone in the morning to do so.
I'm not that...I love my kids, but many days we arrive at our destination late only to find stains or who knows what covering the front of their shirt with dry crusty peanut butter around their mouths (mostly the boys at this stage, because the girls fend for themselves half the time, and usually have a clue of the food on their faces at their ages:). Well behaved in public? Girls are just different than boys...although one of my girls threw the best screaming fits in public. Bless her heart. Age 12 is so much better than 4 (AlyGrace!:) I will say my kids do not want me sewing them clothes. I'm pretty sure they would get made fun of or at least starred at... They are happy to wear store bought or hand-me-downs.
And my husband isn't running around saying how lucky he is... especially in these last several months since we have had the boys. I make a point to try to look decent for church, but otherwise it's a typical yoga pants day. I guess I think if I put them on I might get around to working out, but I'm lucky to get my house picked up and boys fed with naps before the girls get home from school. Adopted or not I'm fighting off the baby weight from these guys (gotta blame someone), and my exhaustion makes these bags under my eyes kinda permanent I'm afraid. And meals? Well, I've never claimed to be a great cook, and half the time 5:00 comes around and I'm like, "oh, crud! dinner! ugh, can we grill again or should I order pizza?" So pathetic, I know.
Time with God is so spuratic. I do read at least a verse a day, and try to meditate on that, but not the quality time that I imagine Proverbs31 having. I pray. I pray a lot. But so many of my prayers are, "please, help me!", "gaurd their hearts!", "draw them to you", "help me understand", "take away this annoyed feeling I get too often", etc. Basically, cries of desparation. I feel like the crazy mom on the sidelines of the game the way I just throw out my requests. Then I get a sweet moment, and say thank you.
But so many days I'm overwhelmed with guilt, and this expectation that I put on myself...the one that I have somehow for so long thought was that virtuous woman I was supposed to be, but what I thought, and what Proverbs 31 says are quite different. I'm still far from her, but what I read is much more attainable than the ridiculous image I've made up in my head.
My Bible has a heading that says "A Wife of Noble Character". Funny...my middle name means "noble", does that count?:) 10. Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Meaning, quit thinking that everyone else has it together, because they don't. Those that do are rare like rubies.
11. Her husband can trust her... with everything from being faithful to him to keeping no secrets. 11b. and she will greatly enrich his life. hmm... I love him. I keep his clothes clean, and I know he and the world he interacts with appreciates that, but it's easy for me to get wrapped up in me. I've barely been keeping my head above water at times through this life transition of a growing family topped with a move and school starting...I need to become more intentional here. God will not require something of me without giving me the strength to do it. I just need to lean into the strength he offers. 12. She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. Grumpy? Nagging? Ungrateful? Whiner? Oh, man, I do NOT want to be THAT wife. No door mat girl here either, but kind, fun, joy-giving. That's who I want to be.
vs.13-15,21,22, and 24 Talk about spinning wool and bringing food from afar, etc. Well, I don't do that, but I can shop with the best of them. I'm a bargain shopper. I grocery shop, and sometimes I even feed my children processed, gluten-filled unorganic food (gasp!). I could use some work in this department. I feel much conviction over the later part of verse 15. "She plan's the days work for her servant girls"...haha! If only. My girls are 10, 12 and 14. Maybe that's what this means. Does the original Hebrew for "servant girls" mean "daughters"? I'm pretty sure it does. Sweet!
16- Talk about a woman who works hard, and she even earns money from her hard work. This is for all my working mom friends. It's ok. Obviously, not if this is the only verse you practice, but I see all throughout this chapter the value of hard work. And for the friends that do not work outside of the home... that's hard work too! Both are valuable. I sound like a politician trying to make both sides happy, but I really do see the value in both. Now, if I can just figure out a way to make money staying at home with the boys, not adding to what I'm already doing that'd be awesome!:)
20. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She's not a respecter of persons, and she isn't too good to embrace the down and out. What would that look like for me? What would that look like for you? I can easily justify my way out of that by claiming my 5 children as poor and needy haha, but I want them to be part of reaching out to the poor and needy. I'm constantly drilling into my girls heads especially now that school has started, "KINDNESS, everyone needs to feel and know kindness. You be Jesus, not just to the left out different kid. You be kind to the naughty kids. Be kind to the 'popular' kids, be kind to the kid that isn't kind to you."
And now my favorite part of this chapter... drumroll, please...
25,26 "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness." My prayer for me and my daughters right here. God, please let me be, help me, make me into this woman.
The chapter goes on to say that this woman watches everything in her household. This is HUGE, people. Do your kids have facebook, instagram, etc. We have some pretty strict rules with this. I'm friends with some of my girls friends on facebook and instagram...are you okay with your daughters posting pictures of themselves in that sexy pose or with that seductive look or the camera pointed down her shirt? Please, you can say "no" to that. And I also think that it is all my business as long as God has placed me and Jason to gaurd and protect our girls hearts to have the right to read any and all text messages, and to have access to read all facebook messages as well. If they want to google something. They need to ask. Same with youtube. They are clueless to some of the double meanings of a word they may type in that could lead to something inappropriate that their 10,12 and 14 year old minds don't need to see. And one more thing before I jump off my soap box...just because something is PG13 does not mean once 13 it's appropriate for him or her to watch it. A great resource is kids-in-mind.com. Jason and I refer to it all the time when we go to movies. It gives a thorough review of any and all movies, listing off what is in the movie from violence, profanity, sex and nudity. Oh, I pray that the parents of the spouse my child marries someday is protecting the minds of their children.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." I can get wrapped up in "I'm getting older"... Time to embrace that "Every laugh line on your face made you who you are today" (thank you, Martina). I can try to fake like I alway have it all together, but that only lasts so long. I have one shot at this life, and, yes, thank God for second chances, but I just don't want to have to take advantage of too many of those second chances.
So if I'm going to be that Proverbs 31 woman I think it would look like this: I love my husband so well that he never doubts my faithfulness to him and our family. He is so proud of who I am it kind of annoys people:). I'm far from lazy. I work hard, so I'm going to be tired some days. I am a kind face to someone in need whether that is material, emotional, physical or spiritual need. I plan ahead, so my family is taken care of. I carry myself with dignity and strength. In other words: My identity is in Christ, not in what I think others might be thinking of me. I'm a daughter of a Holy King, who thought I was worth giving up his only son for! When I speak I'm carefully weighing my words, prayerfully counting on God to use me. I nurture, instruct and love my children with kindness and affection. And in that I fight for their hearts and their minds to see and know love the way God intended it to be. And I'm so in tune to each one of them that I'm able to guide them to see and know themselves the way God does, therefore, teaching them to love others the way God does. And then at the end of my life when I'm old and gray I will be remembered for loving God with all of me, for the kindness felt by anyone I came in contact with and for my freedom to not worry and laugh at the inconveniences life brings. My children will look back and be so thankful for the times I hovered over their innocence and fought for their hearts. This is what I'm striving for...
I'm not that...I love my kids, but many days we arrive at our destination late only to find stains or who knows what covering the front of their shirt with dry crusty peanut butter around their mouths (mostly the boys at this stage, because the girls fend for themselves half the time, and usually have a clue of the food on their faces at their ages:). Well behaved in public? Girls are just different than boys...although one of my girls threw the best screaming fits in public. Bless her heart. Age 12 is so much better than 4 (AlyGrace!:) I will say my kids do not want me sewing them clothes. I'm pretty sure they would get made fun of or at least starred at... They are happy to wear store bought or hand-me-downs.
And my husband isn't running around saying how lucky he is... especially in these last several months since we have had the boys. I make a point to try to look decent for church, but otherwise it's a typical yoga pants day. I guess I think if I put them on I might get around to working out, but I'm lucky to get my house picked up and boys fed with naps before the girls get home from school. Adopted or not I'm fighting off the baby weight from these guys (gotta blame someone), and my exhaustion makes these bags under my eyes kinda permanent I'm afraid. And meals? Well, I've never claimed to be a great cook, and half the time 5:00 comes around and I'm like, "oh, crud! dinner! ugh, can we grill again or should I order pizza?" So pathetic, I know.
Time with God is so spuratic. I do read at least a verse a day, and try to meditate on that, but not the quality time that I imagine Proverbs31 having. I pray. I pray a lot. But so many of my prayers are, "please, help me!", "gaurd their hearts!", "draw them to you", "help me understand", "take away this annoyed feeling I get too often", etc. Basically, cries of desparation. I feel like the crazy mom on the sidelines of the game the way I just throw out my requests. Then I get a sweet moment, and say thank you.
But so many days I'm overwhelmed with guilt, and this expectation that I put on myself...the one that I have somehow for so long thought was that virtuous woman I was supposed to be, but what I thought, and what Proverbs 31 says are quite different. I'm still far from her, but what I read is much more attainable than the ridiculous image I've made up in my head.
My Bible has a heading that says "A Wife of Noble Character". Funny...my middle name means "noble", does that count?:) 10. Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Meaning, quit thinking that everyone else has it together, because they don't. Those that do are rare like rubies.
11. Her husband can trust her... with everything from being faithful to him to keeping no secrets. 11b. and she will greatly enrich his life. hmm... I love him. I keep his clothes clean, and I know he and the world he interacts with appreciates that, but it's easy for me to get wrapped up in me. I've barely been keeping my head above water at times through this life transition of a growing family topped with a move and school starting...I need to become more intentional here. God will not require something of me without giving me the strength to do it. I just need to lean into the strength he offers. 12. She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. Grumpy? Nagging? Ungrateful? Whiner? Oh, man, I do NOT want to be THAT wife. No door mat girl here either, but kind, fun, joy-giving. That's who I want to be.
vs.13-15,21,22, and 24 Talk about spinning wool and bringing food from afar, etc. Well, I don't do that, but I can shop with the best of them. I'm a bargain shopper. I grocery shop, and sometimes I even feed my children processed, gluten-filled unorganic food (gasp!). I could use some work in this department. I feel much conviction over the later part of verse 15. "She plan's the days work for her servant girls"...haha! If only. My girls are 10, 12 and 14. Maybe that's what this means. Does the original Hebrew for "servant girls" mean "daughters"? I'm pretty sure it does. Sweet!
16- Talk about a woman who works hard, and she even earns money from her hard work. This is for all my working mom friends. It's ok. Obviously, not if this is the only verse you practice, but I see all throughout this chapter the value of hard work. And for the friends that do not work outside of the home... that's hard work too! Both are valuable. I sound like a politician trying to make both sides happy, but I really do see the value in both. Now, if I can just figure out a way to make money staying at home with the boys, not adding to what I'm already doing that'd be awesome!:)
20. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She's not a respecter of persons, and she isn't too good to embrace the down and out. What would that look like for me? What would that look like for you? I can easily justify my way out of that by claiming my 5 children as poor and needy haha, but I want them to be part of reaching out to the poor and needy. I'm constantly drilling into my girls heads especially now that school has started, "KINDNESS, everyone needs to feel and know kindness. You be Jesus, not just to the left out different kid. You be kind to the naughty kids. Be kind to the 'popular' kids, be kind to the kid that isn't kind to you."
And now my favorite part of this chapter... drumroll, please...
25,26 "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness." My prayer for me and my daughters right here. God, please let me be, help me, make me into this woman.
The chapter goes on to say that this woman watches everything in her household. This is HUGE, people. Do your kids have facebook, instagram, etc. We have some pretty strict rules with this. I'm friends with some of my girls friends on facebook and instagram...are you okay with your daughters posting pictures of themselves in that sexy pose or with that seductive look or the camera pointed down her shirt? Please, you can say "no" to that. And I also think that it is all my business as long as God has placed me and Jason to gaurd and protect our girls hearts to have the right to read any and all text messages, and to have access to read all facebook messages as well. If they want to google something. They need to ask. Same with youtube. They are clueless to some of the double meanings of a word they may type in that could lead to something inappropriate that their 10,12 and 14 year old minds don't need to see. And one more thing before I jump off my soap box...just because something is PG13 does not mean once 13 it's appropriate for him or her to watch it. A great resource is kids-in-mind.com. Jason and I refer to it all the time when we go to movies. It gives a thorough review of any and all movies, listing off what is in the movie from violence, profanity, sex and nudity. Oh, I pray that the parents of the spouse my child marries someday is protecting the minds of their children.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." I can get wrapped up in "I'm getting older"... Time to embrace that "Every laugh line on your face made you who you are today" (thank you, Martina). I can try to fake like I alway have it all together, but that only lasts so long. I have one shot at this life, and, yes, thank God for second chances, but I just don't want to have to take advantage of too many of those second chances.
So if I'm going to be that Proverbs 31 woman I think it would look like this: I love my husband so well that he never doubts my faithfulness to him and our family. He is so proud of who I am it kind of annoys people:). I'm far from lazy. I work hard, so I'm going to be tired some days. I am a kind face to someone in need whether that is material, emotional, physical or spiritual need. I plan ahead, so my family is taken care of. I carry myself with dignity and strength. In other words: My identity is in Christ, not in what I think others might be thinking of me. I'm a daughter of a Holy King, who thought I was worth giving up his only son for! When I speak I'm carefully weighing my words, prayerfully counting on God to use me. I nurture, instruct and love my children with kindness and affection. And in that I fight for their hearts and their minds to see and know love the way God intended it to be. And I'm so in tune to each one of them that I'm able to guide them to see and know themselves the way God does, therefore, teaching them to love others the way God does. And then at the end of my life when I'm old and gray I will be remembered for loving God with all of me, for the kindness felt by anyone I came in contact with and for my freedom to not worry and laugh at the inconveniences life brings. My children will look back and be so thankful for the times I hovered over their innocence and fought for their hearts. This is what I'm striving for...
I want to thank you for your great insight to this proverb. My wife is the most Godly women I know. I know she struggles with the challanges of the day, pressure of family and the stress of kids yet I know her heart is always wanting the best for her family. Thank you again!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heidi, for being so vulnerable. Being Dave Woods's daughter I have known who you are for a LONG time, and I have always had the most profound respect for you and Jason both.
ReplyDeleteTherefore, as my young (32 is young, right?) eyes read these transparent words my mind says, "No way! Heidi? She's perfect! Just no way!" And my heart says, "Wow! I am joined in my weary days by such great company? Maybe my kids won't grow up to remember what an awful mom I am. Maybe this is just a thing called, well...life!"
After a day where I ended up crying myself to an early nap from the 5 year old refusing to do her math flash cards and my 8 year old insisting that she would not change her sentence composition because she KNEW there were brown cardinals in Africa (all I could find in google were African Amican Catholic cardinals, but maybe I am wrong...maybe I should just watch a few of those Wild Kratt episodes)...well, you get the picture. These words were honey to my soul.
It truly must have been the Holy Spirit that led you to the quintessential Proverbs 31 woman because, sister, I steer c,ear of her on good days, let alone the days I am struggling. Talk about the ultimate comparing game! She seems to be one mother who really does have it all together! Thank you for your unique perspective. Thank you for a view where I really can see myself in a few facets of these words.
At the end of the day, we made our way through the flash cards, and our sentence...well, I know the bird was changed. I think I forgot to look the composition of the sentence over in a mad dash to move on to the next subject.
I am thankful for the fact that when I have those moments, I have a blessed husband who is willing to tell me I AM worth something, who sits down to tell my children that I am schooling them at my sanity's expense (ok, that wasn't quite what he said, but my groggy ears couldn't put it as eloquently as he did), who made lunch for us (even though he couldn't eat because of his recent surgery), and who took the time to discover an article written by someone whom I respect admitting that maybe, just maybe, I am not the only one who struggles with life, and parenting, in general.